I wrote this post a few weeks ago, in the midst of a mind-destruction. I've just come across it now, and although the 'flow' isn't really there, I still 'feel' it. There's been no editing, just truth telling.
Sometimes, scratch that, a lot of the time, it makes me sad that I'm not friends with those I was closest too and loved to the moon and back, a few months ago, a year ago, a lifetime ago.
We all change. People pop into our lives for different amounts of time, giving us what they've got. We take them in, breathe their happiness and friendship, then POOF!! They're gone.
Some stay, some go.
What makes me sad, is the fact that some of those people weren't meant to go. They might have moved, fallen off the face of the earth, fallen out of friendship, it doesn't matter. The fact is, is that they're gone. And at the end of the day, they're still gone.
There's always hope. There's always that little glimmer that wills you to grasp at an opportunity, to have it all back. But something has changed in one of you. Something that tore you both apart. In hindsight, it's probably for the best, but in this time, right now in the present, there's no understanding what has happened. She said this, I said this, it goes on and on and on.
Girls are horrible. Going to a high school of 1700 pupils, I was at times, not the nicest person. I'm no saint. I try my hardest not to moan and talk behind people's backs. If I have a problem, I'd rather talk to that person or ignore it. Girls can be absolutely wicked, manipulative and just plain old mean. I had more boy friends than I did girls at school, mainly for this reason. And because I liked running around playing soccer or rugby at lunch times.
But as an adult, as someone who has had to grow up rather quickly, girls are still mean. Yeah sure, boys can be just as mean, but they lack that cattiness; that bitchiness; that
"I always have to have the last say, so will use your own problems against you, just to smack you down, stomp on you that little bit more".
I admit, I have been a bit slack in keeping in contact with people from back home, family members included. What I didn't realise when I first moved to London, was that life goes on. It simply just keeps on going on. My friends didn't have time to email me back, to facebook me, to skype. Then when I started working full time, I didn't have that time either. Sure, we can make time, but then where's the time to do that?
All in all, I do have an amazing group of friends. It might be small, but they're the most precious, magical, special ones. The ones who I'd drop anything for, do anything for, and be there for them no matter what. Whether they're close by, a bajillion miles away, they're still those precious, magical and special ones.
